So yea, I was just sitting in front of my desk to do some drawing or whatever else when my first thought was “better put up some music as background” and that sort of made me reminisce. It made me nostalgic for a time more than a decade ago (yeez now I truly feel old) when during the weekends I occasionally and stayed at my grandparents.

At my grandparents I had my own room with a bed, desk, and even a TV! A very blocky tv so imagine just any old school crt tv in gray. I had this thing standing on my, might I say, quite large desk on the right hand side. Whenever I was gaming on my shitty office laptop that I truly put through the wringer while I was trying to play whatever videogame tickled my fancy in that moment. So like CS:GOor League of Legends.

I just put it on a random channel and very rarely in between game matches or whatever would glance at it. I didn’t really know it at the time but I think I did it because it felt kind of comforting. Similar to those youtube background audio videos of like a busy café or something. It gave the comfort of being home and also sort of the feeling of being out in the world.

These days I own a flat screen television but I don’t have cable so I usually resort to youtube or deezer (it’s a music streaming service) but this time I just felt so sad. I miss putting up a channel and just random media not cathered for me specifically. It gave me a kind of view of the outside world and not of my bubble of interest.

One funny memory I have is of me being up until really late playing Counter Strike and having the Tv on in the background but on like 1 or 2 volume so basically on mute. It functioned more of a nightlight (or flashlight it was kind of bright) in the middle of the night in my pitch black room. And then somewhere around 3 or 4 am my grandmother opened the door and said something like “Are you still up huh?” and then pointed to the tv which was apparently now broadcasting those sexline things and followed up with “oh I didn’t know you looked at that kind of things on there” as a joke. I was so embarressed I immediately turned of the tv. I wonder if she still remembers that. I sure do haha.