This was my second attempt at reading it. My first attempt failed because I wasn’t ready to understand it I think. It was very soon after I started living here at — and I was still digesting everything that happened with —.

Fitting then how Antoine was also having some emotional problems regarding a woman. However, during my first attempt I don’t recall ever getting far enough to have known that.

Anyhow to get back to what I thought of the book, it was best described by someone who said the following:

I just remember it being the opposite of a page turner for no specific reason. It wasn’t particularly difficult or dense, it just somehow was slow. Maybe it was boring, now I kind of want to read it again to see! —Some reddit user in 2019

I thought this comment was hilarious but sadly also very true. The book puts in exactly zero effort to entice you but once you finish it you understand why. It just is. It’s an acceptance of Antoine being himself and him being okay with that. It is a realistic fictional diary of a guy writing a history book and slowly becoming aware of his own superfluous existence.

A bittersweet memory#

Even though I dog-eared several pages none strike me as particularly noteworthy so instead I will write about a nice memory that came back to me while writing this review.

I remember sitting on the new soft couch in the living room.The light brown reminding me of my own brown desk but slightly lighter.Rubbing my hands over the pillows and seeing the color streak because of the material. It was Saturday I believe and I was reading Dune.

— walked into the room or she was already there I don’t recall.She was really excited and wanted to read a part of the book she was reading to me.After some playful begging, I gave in and she proceeded to get the book. Once she came back she started to read the passage.

I think it was A Court of Thorn and Roses but I can’t recall.All I remember is the joy I felt from the retelling and from the excitement radiating from her.

This memory haunts me with joy. Innocent joy. It fills me with nostalgia and proceeds to fill me with sadness. A time I can’t go back to and that feels like decades ago but it has been a mere 4 years. Much has happened since then but talking to her has not been one.