THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS#

I kind of out of nowhere got the opportunity to read this book after talking about it with a friend of mine who I borrowed it from (thanks Nina!). For some reason, the book got quite worn during my time reading it and I myself also feel like I somehow aged a little (aside from the literal passage of time). Anyhow, let’s get to the book shall we…

Quick summary#

In the book we follow Raskolnikov A.K.A. Rodion A.K.A. Rodia A.K.A. Rodenka (aren’t Russian naming conventions great?). He is a really poor student and is planning to commit a murder. In the first couple of pages we learn some more about his future victim and also about his environment.

During this introductory period we learn that his planned murder victim isn’t really a great person and actually very disliked by many in the neighbourhood so much so that not so long before he goes about with his plans he overhears a conversation of 2 officers about how they would go about killing that exact person and get away with it.

Rodia being the educated individual he is hilariously also picks up how strange this conversation is and even remarks how it seems as if it is a sign or some kind of prefiguration. After this, honestly quite funny part in the story, he goes about his day.

Sometime later he goes about killing this person but something goes wrong or to be precise not according to plan. Shortly after his murder while still at the murder scene, someone walks in. Rodia panicks and decides to make sure there are no witnesses. Once this is done, he somehow manages to get away from the scene without anyone noticing.

After this fiasco is when the real story begins. In the pages following this we see Rodia go through different moods as a now quite paranoid individual. Here we see him struggle to hide his emotions and emotional turmoil. To make sure I don’t spoil anything more I will just say that this is probably his worst punishment.

My thoughts#

I liked it. Dostoevsky is/was (idk which word is more appropriate) an amazing writer who can portray such an intense internal struggle and still from time to time make me laugh. I do have to say that the book was sort of tiring around the end. There is so much interpersonal context to keep track of in the story. So many things happened at the same time that it sometimes overloaded my brain but this sea of happenings also made it feel real and as if I was following this occur in real life. Real life is messy and stuff happens at the same time all the time. It was a great portrayal of someone who is going mad by their own conscience and is also trying to go on with life.

Bits I liked#

While reading the book I wrote down interesting bits and will be sharing these now and why I like them.

Poverty is no vice#

…poverty is no vice, and that’s the truth. Drunkenness, however, is no virtue; and that’s the truth too, only more so. But destitution, my dear sir, destitution is most certainly a vice. You may be poor, yet still retain a certain inborn nobility of feeling. When you are destitute, there is nothing, there is nobody. When you are destitute, they don’t use a stick to chase you away. When you are destitute, they sweep you clear of human companionship; and just to make it more insulting they use a broom. – Page 19

I am currently living paycheck to paycheck with help from my mother and was feeling particularly down about the situation when I started reading the book. When I read this quote it reminded me that there are people in the world who care for me and can help me get through tough situations. After reading it (and now again while writing this all down) I felt blessed to have such an amazing mother.

Religion#

Confession was over. So was extreme unction. Katherine Ivanovna went up to her husband’s bed again. The priest stepped back. He turned to say a few words of solace and comfort to Katherine Ivanovna before he left. She pointed to the little ones. “What am I supposed to do with these?” She said sharply and irritably. Got is merciful. Look to the almighty for help,” the priest began. “E-e-eeh. Merciful, yes. But no to us!” “That’s a sin, a sin, madame.” the priest said shaking his head. Katherine Ivanovna pointed to the dying man. “I suppose that’s not a sin” she cried. – Page 178-179

If I recall correctly, I read that Dostoevsky was figuring out what his opinion was on religion while writing his books and I thought this was a great example of him struggling with religion. A mentally unstable woman who is in the process of losing her husband to injuries he got that very night and a priest who then tells her to turn to the lord. How could one believe in a merciful god when your life has just gotten even harder. Her husband was a drunk and barely brought any money in is now dying and leaving her with 3 children she is somehow supposed to take care of. I think even a mentally stable person would react somewhat crudely towards the priest.

Talking nonsense#

Do you think I care if they talk nonsense? Hogwash! I love nonsense! Talking nonsense is man’s only privilege that distinguishes him from all other organisms. If you keep talking big nonsense, you will get to sense. I am a man, therefore I talk nonsense. Nobody got to a single truth without talking nonsense fourteen times first. Maybe even a hundred and fourteen. That’s alright in its own way. We don’t even know how to talk nonsense intelligently, though! If you are going to give me big nonsense, better make it your own big nonsense, and I’ll kiss you for it. Talk nonsense in your own way. That’s almost better than talking sense in someone else’s. In the first case you’re a man; in the second just a parrot! Sense will always be there, but life can be fenced in. – Page 194

If you are going to spout bullshit at least make it your own bullshit. Don’t spout an ideology you blindly follow. One should be behind their own words and not lie because people can see through it eventually and it is boring. Someone else already said it so there is no point for you to say the same thing unless you really are just a parrot. You might as well not know what the words mean that you regurgitate. Speak true or don’t speak at all.

Dreaming of someone to save#

For a long time, for yours , he had dreamed voluptuously of getting married, but he went on piling up money, waiting. In his inmost self, he went on dreaming ecstatically of a poor, virtuous girl (she was inevitably poor), quite young, quite pretty, of good family, and well educated, quite timid, one who had been through a lot of bad luck and who would defer to him completely, who would consider him all her life as her savior, would admire, submit-to, and venerate him — him alone. – Page 243-244

Kind of funny. It made me think of those incels who expect people to just date then because they have X which should give others a reason to date that. Almost as if it is the obligation of the other person. Kind of funny (but also sad) to read in a book from 1866. People really are the same across time huh.

Gallows humor#

“You are going aren’t you?” “I’m going. Right now. Yes it was to avoid the shame of it I wanted to drown myself, Dunia; but I thoguth as I stood over the water — if I was strong till now, why should I fear shame? at this point? Dunia — is that pride?” “It is pride, Rodia” A light seemed to flash in his dulled eyes, it was as though he liked the idea that he was still proud. “You don’t think — do you, Sister — I was simply afraid of water?” he then asked with a hideous grin, looking her in the face. – Page 492-493

I thought it was funny how Rodia was feeling kinda down but his sister, Dunia, gave him a bit more life energy by telling him he might still have some pride left and that he immediately showed her that she made him feel better by making a joke (even if it is a slightly grim joke). As if the light that flashed in his dulled eyes was the energy sparking up his will to joke about even the dark moments of life. It made me think of when I was the hospital myself and things were looking kind of bad but after my mother got there I got some more energy and I was able to enjoy some gallows humour.